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Messages - General Throatstomper

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1
News and Updates / Re: The future of TSC
« on: June 16, 2009, 03:22:34 pm »
I think Rolken means that he wants applicants to outline general philosophies concerning TSC's direction instead of something specific like an outline of prospective rules; the fundamental question is "where should TSC go from here?".

For whatever merit others see in my opinion, I don't think TSC is sustainable as a competition site because we don't have a large enough pool of active players (or if you want to look at this inverted, we lack sufficiently active players in the core community). And why should we expect for new members to join to replenish our numbers, mature, and improve the site dynamic? I could write extensively on this, but I don't think anybody would dispute my logic so I'll just segue to my one original point with my earlier argument as its basis. Who really cares about the competition in TSC as anything but a social function? If people admire the community itself over competition, the focus of the site, do we really need to maintain competition as our primary function? Users wouldn't leave TSC if it became a general networking grounds, because we're there right now with games of Mafia, iSketch, Settlers, Toulouse, etc. Considering this, we might perhaps become something more fluid.

It's a jump from what I said before, completely separate from my reasoning, but I suggest using TSC as a launching point for other act ivies. Maybe we could construct a group schedule, and use the site as a means of organization for doing other things. Think of this as TSC's community coordinating events: several people Brawling as dictated by the schedule, transitioning to an organized debate, later following a groupwatch of a movie, and so on. It's just centralizing what we do already.

2
Gaming and Grazing / Re: Team Fortress 2
« on: June 05, 2009, 08:17:17 pm »
I conjecture that TF2 has become more popular at TSC because of the Sniper/Spy update. I remember that everyone thought Meet the Spy was a riot, so I guess people decided to pick it up again?

Steamid: supergenus

I'm getting into TF2, but the difficulty was offputting at first. I would rush to the combat and get massacred by players doing things I wouldn't expect, and for a while I didn't understand what was going on. Then I read the wiki and started getting passably decent.

Now I'm a pro spy~

3
Gaming and Grazing / Re: ITT SBW makes a forum mafia.
« on: May 11, 2009, 10:53:48 pm »
Quote from: Stefan
The first two votes of the game, by two people who initially emerged as leaders, are votes worth reacting to. I am not overreacting; had I not accused flyby, the momentum would have kept with me and certainly gotten me lynched. My reaction was clearly appropriate for the situation, as it worked.

After flyby and I voted him, this:

Quote from: Stefan
I'm being lynched... because?

flyby was never a leader, and that's definitely a touchy reaction. You seem anxious to claim something, which means you probably have a fallback.

Edit: quote tags fixed. And I restate my concern that flyby's the fool. She's been on for a while, and as mafia would know better than to not post anything.

4
Gaming and Grazing / Re: ITT SBW makes a forum mafia.
« on: May 11, 2009, 10:31:12 pm »
I don't lead, but others like to follow me.

You'll probably survive the day because momentum is climaxing on a flyby lynch. You're overreacting to what were initially a few light votes on you, now hiding behind the power role bromide. The flyby bandwagon's faster...but she seems foolish to me. I wonder if there's a lyncher with her as a target? Douglas' switch on votes strikes me as heavy-handed. 

5
Gaming and Grazing / Re: ITT SBW makes a forum mafia.
« on: May 11, 2009, 09:32:20 pm »
SBW told us we'd have 48 hours max, but we're missing a few sign-ups like Chao_fan, Bertin, and Achlys. Chao_fan hasn't been on since May 8th, but Bertin and Achlys are around. Should we get replacements?

Anyways, I'm sure that whoever we lynch will get us closer to the truth. I think Stefan's gruesome death will bring us there faster, but if the consensus is to lynch flyby...so be it.

6
Gaming and Grazing / Re: ITT SBW makes a forum mafia.
« on: May 11, 2009, 08:58:18 pm »
A basic point on formatting: for convenience, write unvote:(last target) before changing your vote. It's a courtesy for SBW, who shouldn't have to sift through all these replies to figure out where the votes end.

I'm keeping my vote on Stefan because douglas is paddywagoning as much as flyby. The obvious factions lie at Douglas/Stefan (Douglas cast a vote, but well expected a rebuttal from Stefan. Maybe he's a third party and doesn't care either way? I'm not confident he's mafia by nature of his candor, but there aren't active stances...survivor Douglas? But then why the confrontational stance on PPA? Hm), flyby/Parax (you can add me to this mixing as well, but the lineation is greater when others go along with a vote instead of suggesting anything. Parax isn't outright apathetic, without the stiffness I'd need to form strong convictions on his guilt. flyby's leaning back, which I interpret as a relative disinterest...a lazy fool maybe? I doubt she's pro-town, but there's nothing particularly condemning about the way she's acted so far). I refuse to assume SBW didn't include a killer in this setup, so there's good potential that the masons live. flyby's a good masoning target, and so are Stefan and I. But with the possibility of a driver, mike's whimsy is irrelevant as no initial targeting is guaranteed accurate.

I lynch on behavior, and Stefan's flinching at this lynch. For this, he's most worthy of a vote. We'll see what he turns out to be soon enough and who went on the wrong side of the fence.

For tonight, night roles should play the random game. Possible interceptions, witchings, or driver antics make this sticky. How about the protector maybe, perhaps, gets on PPA? Or doesn't, while we pretend he'll be saved. Whatever we can pull.    

7
Gaming and Grazing / Re: ITT SBW makes a forum mafia.
« on: May 10, 2009, 08:52:41 pm »
Time's basically up, so unless we get an extension...

Vote: Stefan

ieatatsonic isn't flipping out at my accusation and is credibly incredulous, douglas isn't obnoxious, I'm not sure enough about flyby, PPA's watcher, Paraxade's slow on lynching, and SonicAD's bored. 

8
Gaming and Grazing / Re: ITT SBW makes a forum mafia.
« on: May 10, 2009, 06:46:39 pm »
How about lynching ieatatsonic or Stefan? So far, everyone else is registering as sort-of-cleared for me.

9
Gaming and Grazing / Re: ITT SBW makes a forum mafia.
« on: May 09, 2009, 11:01:00 am »
'He'. The masculine third person singular. You should have said 'they' because you just ruled flyby out as a potential visiting role.

I believe the claim. This explains his freakout at my accusations.

More people should talk.

10
Gaming and Grazing / Re: ITT SBW makes a forum mafia.
« on: May 09, 2009, 10:34:02 am »
Yeah...besides, we know you're something important now. Just tell us what you are, then, so we're not completely in the dark today.

11
Gaming and Grazing / Re: ITT SBW makes a forum mafia.
« on: May 09, 2009, 09:59:01 am »
I noticed nothing. You're a cultist or mason and targeted me?

This means either I was shrunk, you were driven, or SBW failed by not reporting conversion.

Stefan, why wouldn't Mike mason you night one? He would likely target a familiar known for functioning well in towns, and that's probably you or flyby. You bristled at the accusation.

Looking at the make of different players, flyby's letting the town run under its own inertia. If the PPA lynch goes bust, I think she's a fair target. Normally flyby gets more involved in these games when she isn't guilty, and I can see her keeping me alive just to fall back on a lynch on me day one. Stefan's coasting as well, which I infer to mean he's either a lax power role keeping his head down or mafia avoiding suspicion. I lean towards the second for his half-hearted attempt to push town on me. Douglas isn't trying to gut me, and I think that's proof enough of his innocence. Paraxade's handling this rationally, which I take to mean he's at intellectual equilibrium; Paraxade's not stiff so far, his classic tell as mafia. In the group of innocents, werster looked at the topic earlier and didn't scream for my lynch.

Among those who haven't posted, there are probably a few mafia who think saying nothing makes them above suspicion. truesonic fits that archetype, and it wouldn't surprise me to find he's guilty.

It would not surprise me at all.

12
Gaming and Grazing / Re: ITT SBW makes a forum mafia.
« on: May 08, 2009, 06:24:52 pm »
That's why everything should be done over IRC. We already know PPA has a night action, though, because he specifically asked what he should do to enter orders. Similarly, I'm pretty sure that Stefan and flyby were the only members who weren't on before SBW left before work. But I guess this is going too far in observation, and we should drop it.

However, not responding immediately when you have so little to say is still fair incrimination.

Edit: to combat what Paraxade mentioned earlier, I suggest a buffer from when SBW's received all night actions and his  update to the game.

13
Gaming and Grazing / Re: ITT SBW makes a forum mafia.
« on: May 08, 2009, 06:14:32 pm »


Your post came at 05:04:24 PM, 12 minutes later. It took you that long to write such a simple response? You needed to craft that message to seem like a villager. I'm more suspicious of you now.

What's up with everyone else, though?

14
Gaming and Grazing / Re: ITT SBW makes a forum mafia.
« on: May 08, 2009, 05:50:17 pm »
Or it could have been another way of expressing mike's death. We should assume that Mike mismasoned, though. Who would he target for conversion? flyby or Stefan seems likely.

Let's take time to talk before lynching because we don't want to knock off power roles. I want to see messages from everybody so that we can figure out the mafia.

I'm going to browse games on EM for possible setups. Relatively few have 13 players. There's this one, this one, this one, or this one. However, none of these have masons and janitors, so he made his own game.

I tentatively finger PPA for editing his post after saying we should just lynch flyby or myself, which I view as subtle posturing. But I want to see how this discussion plays out before voting.

15
Gaming and Grazing / Re: ITT SBW makes a forum mafia.
« on: May 05, 2009, 03:26:03 pm »
I'll join, too. Dibs on fool?

I'm pretty sure that you're just playing into the mafia's hands by lynching be right as we start, though. Without actually figuring out who's guilty, you're gifting a day one pass. I say that we take time to talk before actually hanging anybody. Also, protective roles should save me.

Are we allowing players to claim their roles?


16
Competition Central / Re: TSC's Top Ten Failures
« on: April 23, 2009, 09:14:06 pm »
You can't accuse douglas and I of failure because of our excellence; that's transparent envy. Our apathy should have been enough to clue you into our ambivalence regarding another top 10 list. Plus, we've made ten of these lists..what's your tally now? I stopped caring when the top 10's got boring.

Anyways, it seems we set the standard too high for any future installations...no matter what kind of list Mike and RPG could hobble together, it would always shadow our cultural monument. I'm sorry for producing something of quality that shames your milquetoast efforts. Perhaps one day we could teach you how to write humor compositions?

Also, they're probably putting Rolken as #1 to surprise everyone.

*zing*.

17
Wikkity! / Re: ITT What Are You Listening To With A Hint Of Twist!?
« on: April 19, 2009, 09:42:39 pm »
Impressive...while a little over the top at times (also, what's with the vamping?), it's still an evocative composition. I headbanged.

Here's a single released by Jack White's new band, the Dead Weather.

18
Wikkity! / Re: ITT What Are You Listening To With A Hint Of Twist!?
« on: April 18, 2009, 11:13:34 pm »
That song gave me an aural seizure. It's just another 'catchy', uninspired pop song with a cocaine rhythm. 2/many numbers.

You should listen to this instead.

19
Wikkity! / Re: I'm in Rhode Island and TSC should entertain me!
« on: April 10, 2009, 11:41:37 am »
Why would you ever want to go to such a terrible place? And where are you specifically?

Actually, it doesn't matter. Everything in RI is a 15 minute drive away.

If it's not cold out, go to the beach for a decent time.

If it's cold out, the most entertaining thing for you in Rhode Island is a Cranston meth lab.

Actually, I'm forgetting duckpin bowling. That's fun.

You have three possible activities. Pick a more interesting state to visit next time? If you're in New England, I suggest Vermont, which has snow sports...though it's still an oozing, American orifice. At least it's not Massachusetts, Connecticut, or Maine.

20
Wikkity! / Re: I'm at work and TSC should entertain me!
« on: April 07, 2009, 11:49:24 pm »
I walked to the music store the other day to buy a capo. I looked around a bit to see what else they were selling, and the markup was ridiculous. A triangle cost $30, miracas were $20, and small plastic shells filled with beads ran $10. The cost of material and labor can't possibly approach what they charge...plus, most of these 'instruments' have awful timbre or aren't complex enough where anything other than tonality matters.  There's so much scamming going on with peddling musical paraphernalia that the industry sidesteps by claiming that anything quality is expensive to create (though...they really aren't). I grumbled a bit about supporting corporate greed before settling on some picks and an economical $2 capo. But this wasn't what I meant to talk about.

I'll always remember what happened on my way home from the store. I took a shortcut through a valley between two streets, and heard a moaning noise. Then I noticed two people making out behind a tree. I couldn't see them on my way into the valley, but suddenly I was walking towards them for a decidedly awkward encounter. The guy had his eyes open, staring right at me while tonguing the girl for a slightly suggestive scene. I flashed him a thumbs up. He gave me a sign to hang loose. It made a pretty good story. I have another story about kissing, but I don't think flyby would find it entertaining.

I have a family friendly anecdote about fencing, though. We were dueling today, swapping from partner to partner, and I got into it. Swords are fun to play with, and anybody who tells you otherwise doesn't understand the concept of 'fun', or perhaps only appreciates the idea intellectually without any deeper understanding. You should take pity on them, but assertively repel their impositions on your own enjoyment. Ok? Ok.

We were dueling in fencing, and I was enjoying myself. I get kind of into it; swords are still fun. So I get into it, and as a leftie basically anything I try will connect. Really, most of these swordfights were five-second exchanges where I'd push their sword out of the way and stab through to the stomach. Most people are confused by mirrors.

Actually, more context is necessary than this. Light taps from the foil usually hurt, and I really whip that blade. During accuracy drills, I poked a hole through the foam padding on the gym wall. That's pretty thick protection...a solid few inches. Usually when I hit a person, they need to take a few seconds to get over the sting. With rotating partners, everybody expects that the same thing will happen to them.

Anyways, I'd gone through a few opponents and came up against a girl known for her pronounced sensitivity. Everything you do with her is the most significant thing to ever happen in her life, and she gets upset very easily. She'd been watching me take people out and make them crumple in pain for a long while. We were supposed to fence each other, and she freaked out when we started. She backed away panicked, jerky foot then to foot then to pavement. I didn't even advance, and she told me I scared her. I decided that I would be nice to her as a gesture of good will; clearly she was uncomfortable with fighting me, and a jab to the stomach would ruin her day. The teacher wasn't looking, so I told her we could just pretend that we went at it and I made contact. Then, as she was walking towards the center, she smashed my hand with the hilt of the rapier. Seriously, what the hell? Next time, I'm aiming for her kidney. 

21
Wikkity! / Re: I'm at work and TSC should entertain me!
« on: April 04, 2009, 12:45:15 am »
My yoga instructor had a mental breakdown after I read the relaxation piece for my routine. She took a week's leave of absence, and when she came back we started fencing. I have entertaining stories.

The first day of the program, we picked foils and practiced thrusting. Since I put my left foot forward with a right handed foil, lunging with my my right heel back, she explained to me that I was left handed. I told her that I was ambidextrous and just put myself into what was a naturally defensive position, so she brought my a leftie rapier and said it was ok to be different. I don't think she knows what the word ambidextrous means, but I didn't care enough to argue the point. She was hostile when someone else told her why she was being ridiculous, and insisted that I would be better leading left. It's quite amusing, actually, because nobody thinks to reverse their sword motions against me; I wind up winning duels because my opponents do dumb things like try to stab inwards behind my back or swat my blade closer to themselves when it would knock a rightie's away from the chest.

There was a moment of high irony, though. To work on precision against a human target, she had us partner up to stab each other repeatedly. We weren't supposed to move, and some people were really into it...which sounds like it could end in serious injury. When someone poked me in the stomach, I decided that I would pretend I was horribly injured to screw with them. I dropped to the floor and curled into a ball before getting up and telling them I was just kidding. Their next hit shoved the tip (mind, the blunt had fallen off so it was just a sharp metal stick) right into my belly button. The pain from that provides you with 20 seconds of immobilizing pain, followed by a good week of thinking at all times about where your belly button is in relation to snagging objects.

22
Beef / Re: ATTN: werster
« on: March 30, 2009, 03:31:32 pm »
Quote from: Alondite
Typoing has nothing to do with grammatical errors   genus. Why? Well, a typo is a mistake that you did not mean to make, where grammatical errors are often done without the typist knowing thathe/she is making a mistake. The typist simply does not have a strong grasp on[n] what is considered "correct grammar."

A typo is a typographical error, which is defined as "an error in printed or typewritten matter resulting from striking the improper key of a keyboard[glow],[/glow] from mechanical failure, or the like."  Quite simply, it's an accident.  Grammatical errors are done intentionally, not knowing that they are errors, and that makes them quite different.

Also if you are toying with the idea,I know there are numerous grammatical errors in this very post, but I don't care (because it's just a forum post) so don't bother to point them out.

Why is your definition correct? I would argue that labeling a typo something so simple as a simple keystroke is myopic enough to exclude several mistakes without a label. Typos aren't merely errors conscious to their author; what if the writer thinks 'everywhere' is spelled 'everywere' and spells the former? That's still a typo. I apply this same principal to grammatical errors: the mistake you make is still a mistake whether you know it or not. Establishing your frame of reference as conventional standard English, you would be accountable for these grammatical errors. Or typos. This this is a typo, even thought I think that it makes sense to repeat the word 'this'. So that sentence is, even though I'm confusing the words 'that' and 'this'. You're splitting hairs into fourths. If you came up with a less verbose term for grammatical typos than 'grammatical errors', I would recognize the difference. Until then, they're the same thing!

Though it's too late for me to avoid pointing out your typos.


23
Beef / Re: ATTN: werster
« on: March 29, 2009, 11:00:46 pm »
One more Typo for Stefan, 6 vs. 18.

Accidentally typing a word can be a result of a poor motor skills.

There's a difference? These this seem like a clear example of my point.

Or even "this seem like a clear example of my point".

If you meant to type something, and typed it incorrectly, you typoed. If you had an idea, and that idea wasn't expressed as you thought it, you typoed.

Even ignoring grammatical errors, though, werster still has an edge. The title is rightfully werster's; I demand you delink the name 'Typo' for werster's personal use, and adopt "Second" or "Milquetoast" as a sign of respect.

24
Beef / Re: ATTN: werster
« on: March 29, 2009, 10:51:49 pm »
I consider grammatical errors typos, and refuse to tolerate flyby's pedantry.

After all, if this this this this this weren't a typo, what would it be?

I think the key qualifier is determining what the author meant to write and comparing it with what they actually posted. Given this reasoning, grammatical errors are typos because they interfere with the clear reception of a thought intended for perfect transmission.

25
Beef / Re: ATTN: werster
« on: March 29, 2009, 09:58:07 pm »
There's an objective, scientific method for determining who is rightfully "TSC's official typoist": count the number of typos in each claimant's argument.
werster's typos
Quote from: werster
First things first Stefan! It has the title of "offical" not "official"


In werster's opening remarks, there are two typos in as many sentences. "Things" should take an apostrophe to denote possession, and there should be a comma after "offical" to parse the two thoughts as contrasting.

Quote from: werster
You right and well know that means jack squat and won't hold up anywhere

A mistake acceptable in spoken English, but which is a typo when written. There should be two "that"'s in the first clause, the first to designate what Stefan knows and the second to represent his argument.

Quote from: werster
And this just means nothing, I have typoed the same phrase a good and well 6 times, and -still- not corrected myself.

In this context, the comma in bold is grammatically incorrect. I don't feel like explaining why. Learn standard English if you disagree.  

Quote from: werster
-I'm- jumping to conclusions? I'd like to note that no where does it say that the typoist title is official, nor tsc, you have made that up yourself! So you can go ahead and waste your $500,000 Stefan because your evidence is worthless.

Aside from its status as one of the worst examples of English writing I've ever read, this sample contains several egregious typos. The word is 'nowhere'. The phrase 'no where' is clever as it implies the definite constraint of space, but given your idea it would not be appropriate emphasis. I would explain why "nor tsc" is a typo if the idea made sense; however, it's such a glaring flaw that the exact reasoning why is completely unnecessary. Finally, 'Stefan' should be spliced with commas to avoid a run-on sentence.

Quote from: werster
-clearly-, -intentionally-? And I'm still the one jumping to conclusions? With some proper research you'd find that "offical" was there before typoist even came into existeance in that signature.

The word 'clearly' is clearly "Clearly". Existence is misspelled.

Quote from: werster
...let's put a situation into play here. Say i name my child Dan. Does that mean every single Dan can sue me for identity theft?

Two more errors in capitalization, unless he means that the letter 'i' names its child Dan...in which case there would still be a typo because the verb would require conjugation for the third person singular of the English verb 'to name'.

Quote from: werster
Oh yes because "oh look, it says i did it, I must have" is undeniable proof Stefan.

There are several ways to correctly punctuate this sentence; werster didn't use any of them. I don't consider the bolded 'i' a typo because he's trivializing the validity of Stefan's argument by making it seem childish. As he is directly addressing Stefan, werster needs to use a comma there.

Quote from: werster
I'm sure you could find many people at TSC that would say that I too typo Stefan

This sentence is a mess. werster doesn't mean that he typos the word 'Stefan', he means to tell Stefan that he often typos.

Quote from: werster
...Aren't as well known? I'm -suure- you could prove that one Stefan.

The word 'suure' is not the word 'sure'.

Quote from: werster
One major problem though. "offical" and "TSC" aren't in the same sentence as typoist!

Either there should be a colon here, or a comma after 'problem'. If werster opted for the second method, he would need to capitalize 'offical'. I consider this double-dipping, so I'll only count the one typo.

18 for werster.

Stefan's typos
Quote from: Stefan
I identify by my typos, as the name "typo" clearly suggests. Usernames are meant to characterize the person who is using them. using "typo" obvious implies I make frequent typos, and calling yourself any title with "typo" in the name (such as offical typoist) is stealing my identity and potentially redirecting attention or questions I'd be getting to you.

In the English language, the verb 'to identify' requires a direct object, absent in this case. Obviously, he should have capitalized the word "using" in that sentence. "Obvious" is obviously not 'obviously', when an adverbial form is required to correctly modify the action. The rest of the sentence is a trainwreck, but a stylistic one that we can't assess as the product of chronic typoing.

Quote from: Stefan
Let's see your proof?

There isn't a typo here. I just wanted to say that the question form was a terrible rhetorical device.

Quote from: Stefan
If you are unable to see how the "typoist" title is given the defining modifier "TSC", then you are unable to comprehend basic sentence structure.

Without the word 'by', the phrase "the defining modifier "TSC" becomes the direct object of the sentence. You give the modifier to the title instead of saying you can infer that the title is based on the modifier. I'd also argue the comma after "TSC" is unnecessary, but that's purely a stylistic consideration.

Quote from: Stefan
Also, by the fact that you're telling me to waste my $500,000, I assume that you've settled for paying me $500,000? Alright, you can set up a PM to find my paypal/ address for a check.

Unnecessary space. +1 for Stefan.

5 typos for Stefan.

There are 18 typos from werster vs. 5 typos from Typo. I opine that Stefan has outgrown his status as "tsc's offcal typoist", and the title is rightfully werster's. In his prime, Stefan was the undisputed typoist, but presently werster eclipses him in this compartment. werster isn't yet the all-time champion; he's just more prone to typos than the previously revered authority.

Edit: there's a typo in my first observation. "Thing's" expresses a contraction, there is no possession involved.

26
Wikkity! / Re: Post your face!
« on: March 26, 2009, 10:14:50 pm »
I'm not in college, and I wouldn't call these people friends.

27
Wikkity! / Re: Post your face!
« on: March 26, 2009, 09:36:51 pm »
Pictures taken for school. I think they're better without any explanations.

28
Wikkity! / Re: EPIC MAFIA EPIC WIN/FAIL THREAD!
« on: March 20, 2009, 10:53:41 pm »
Not every game we post should be a remarkable victory or loss.

Night 1
GoodAtMafia: can we nk and can i fake bp :O
 GoodAtMafia: lol
 GoodAtMafia: aha, wouldnt it be funny if you faked shrink
 GoodAtMafia: and i faked tracker
 GoodAtMafia: and everyone believed us
 GoodAtMafia: lol
 GoodAtMafia: hey.. wanna try?
 GoodAtMafia: just for fun.
 GoodAtMafia: :)
 GoodAtMafia: invisime?
 invisime: sorry.
 GoodAtMafia: lol
 invisime: bathroom break there.
 GoodAtMafia: can one of us
 GoodAtMafia: fake bp
 GoodAtMafia: and the other fake tracker :O
 invisime: which of us is yakking?
 GoodAtMafia: lol
 GoodAtMafia: you can
 GoodAtMafia: or me
 GoodAtMafia: whatever you want
 invisime: we should 1-yak.
 GoodAtMafia: A bullet hits your vest! You cannot survive another hit!
 invisime: I want genus.
 GoodAtMafia: xD
 invisime: but we should also kill.
 GoodAtMafia: I'll be bp then
 GoodAtMafia: hmm
 GoodAtMafia: fine
 GoodAtMafia: i'll take the risk :O
 GoodAtMafia: wait
 GoodAtMafia: just wondering
 GoodAtMafia: do you think i should outright claim tracker?
 invisime: I'm yakking genus.
 GoodAtMafia: and make a fake mafia
 GoodAtMafia: and get them lynched
 GoodAtMafia: then yak next turn?
 GoodAtMafia: xD
 GoodAtMafia: It might work
 GoodAtMafia: who're we killing
 invisime: nah. time's too late.
 invisime: just kill lightwolf.
 GoodAtMafia: xD

Result
Shrink (guny)-gameslayer001
Tracker (gameslayer0001)- GoodAtMafia
Doctor (TheMayor)-gameslayer001
Mafia (invisime, GoodAtMafia)-Lightwolf
Yakuza meeting (invisime)-genus
Yakuza meeting (GoodAtMafia)-no one

Day 1
You followed GoodAtMafia throughout the night. GoodAtMafia visited Lightwolf.
A bullet hits your vest! You cannot survive another hit!
invisime, the yakuza, has died a bloody death.

 genus: the yak is dead!
 guny4: o.o
 gameslayer001: tracker here
 genus: go bg!
 GoodAtMafia: invisime, the yakuza, has died a bloody death.
 guny4: hit?
 GoodAtMafia: that's so stupid
 GoodAtMafia: why
 TheMayor: eeep
 Lightwolf: A bullet hits your vest! You cannot survive another hit! invisime, the yakuza, has died a bloody death.
 GoodAtMafia: do they do that
 genus: nl our stuff
 PizzaHut: Who was hit?
 GoodAtMafia: it's so mean
 PizzaHut: Okay.
 guny4: why the hell wud u claim
 guny4: ......
 guny4: NOT BOTH TRACKERS ARE DEAD
 gameslayer001: You followed GoodAtMafia throughout the night. GoodAtMafia visited Lightwolf.
 GoodAtMafia: guny
 gameslayer001: oh
 gameslayer001: lol
 TheMayor: not meh
 guny4: GG NO RE
 guny4: ROFL
 gameslayer001: forgot to post that
 genus: ...
 gameslayer001: thought GAM was doc
 genus: oh
 gameslayer001: first
 guny4: wait
 genus: wait
 guny4: that can be doc
 GoodAtMafia: D:
 guny4: .....
 GoodAtMafia: Shrink
 gameslayer001: i know
 genus: good, what are you?
 GoodAtMafia: Shrink
 gameslayer001: he just posed his BP hit
 genus: oh
 gameslayer001: psoted
 guny4: oh
 gameslayer001: posted
 guny4: ROFLMAO
 gameslayer001: (
 gameslayer001: ;p
 PizzaHut: DO NOT VOTE GAM
 TheMayor: are we cc'ing
 GoodAtMafia: Shrink meetingYouchoose Lightwolf
 PizzaHut: HE WOULD HAVE VISITED 2 PEOPLE
 gameslayer001: fail
 genus: not if he didn't yak
 Lightwolf: any shrink cc?
 guny4: yea........
 GoodAtMafia: and just wondering
 gameslayer001: ug
 genus: but there's no cc
 GoodAtMafia: why wouldnt i yak if i was yak?
 gameslayer001: o.o
 genus: so I believe him
 TheMayor: should doc claim?
 guny4: i cc shrink
 guny4: >_>
 GoodAtMafia: Why wouldn't I yak if i was yak?
 guny4: i shrinked gameslayer
 GoodAtMafia: that was pretty late guny.
 guny4: lol
 genus: oh dear
 gameslayer001: LOL
 genus: *shrank
 GoodAtMafia: lol
 guny4: i didn't want them to make me claim
 guny4: >_>
 gameslayer001: :P
 genus: I'd rather nl myself
 gameslayer001: dang
 guny4: it's so fucking obv
 Lightwolf: ok so we got a cc
 PizzaHut: Are there any Doc CC's??
 guny4: they want me to claim
 GoodAtMafia: ..
 GoodAtMafia: I'm shrink
 GoodAtMafia: T_T
 gameslayer001: who cares
 genus: it's too dangerous to lynch someone who may be the shrink
 TheMayor: is it safe for docs?
 guny4: Shrink meeting You choose gameslayer
 guny4: sry
 gameslayer001: ;o
 genus: nobody cares?
 gameslayer001: :)
 guny4: didn't highlight it right
 PizzaHut: Yeah...
 PizzaHut: NL guys
 guny4: NO
 guny4: WE HAVE THE MAF
 guny4: FUCK NO
 gameslayer001: pizza for mafia
 GoodAtMafia: IF YOU DONT NL
 gameslayer001: lol
 genus: someone else nl
 guny4: TRACKER ON PIZZA
 guny4: !
 PizzaHut: Track him again
 genus: no, ignore guny
 GoodAtMafia: THENGAMESLAYER IS MAF NEXT TURN
 genus: guny doesn't yak here
 guny4: HELL NO
 PizzaHut: NO TRACK GAM
 gameslayer001: how bout we track you
 GoodAtMafia: if you vote me
 guny4: I"M GONNA SHRINK HIM
 gameslayer001: HAMMER
 guny4: TRACK ME THEN
 guny4: !
 genus: ...
 GoodAtMafia: then gameslayer is maf next turn
 GoodAtMafia: ...
 gameslayer001: HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER
 gameslayer001: HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER
 gameslayer001: HAMMER
 gameslayer001: HAMMER HAMMER
 gameslayer001: HAMMER
 gameslayer001: HAMMER HAMMER
 gameslayer001: HAMMER
 gameslayer001: HAMMER HAMMER
 gameslayer001: HAMMER
 gameslayer001: HAMMER
 GoodAtMafia: woah spam

Result: All vote to lynch GoodAtMafia except for PizzaHut, GoodAtMafia, and me. I'm screwed.

Night Two
GoodAtMafia: *sigh*
 GoodAtMafia: unlucky
 invisime: yep.
 invisime: at least you didn't yak thouhg.
 GoodAtMafia: lol
 invisime: then they would know you AND your target.
 invisime: dammit, and doc's alive

Result
Shrink (guny4)-gameslayer001
Tracker (gameslayer001)-PizzaHut
Doctor (TheMayor)-gameslayer001
Mafia (genus)-PizzaHut

Day 2
You followed PizzaHut throughout the night. PizzaHut visited no one.
A bullet hits your vest! You cannot survive another hit!
 invisime: sucks.

 Lightwolf: hit?
 gameslayer001: bp hit?
 genus: who claims hit?
 PizzaHut: A bullet hits your vest! You cannot survive another hit!
 gameslayer001: pizza if u claim hit its pizza
 gameslayer001: LOL
 Lightwolf: also guny games and me are clear
 gameslayer001: pizza nked
 PizzaHut: It's not me, for realz.
 gameslayer001: and is faking
 gameslayer001: easy
 genus: seriously though
 guny4: ........
 genus: that was so fail
 PizzaHut: Fuck it.
 guny4: tracekr report
 gameslayer001: we can afford a miss lynch anyways
 PizzaHut: It's not me.
 genus: oh
 gameslayer001: lose
 genus: he admits it
 genus: ...er
 genus: he doesn't admit it
 Lightwolf: well there is only one mafia
 Lightwolf: so we have a ml
 gameslayer001: yeppers
 TheMayor: pizza wants out
 genus: I don't think we should use it on him
 PizzaHut: Wait.
 gameslayer001: i think we should
 genus: he seems genuinely upset
 PizzaHut: Lynch the hunter.
 PizzaHut: Have the hunter shoot me.
 Lightwolf: and we had a ml yesterday too
 TheMayor: whos hunter
 gameslayer001: even if he isnt mafia it narrows things down
 gameslayer001: makes it better, anyway
 genus: that doesn't make sense
 gameslayer001: it does
 gameslayer001: lol
 gameslayer001: vot
 Lightwolf: who claims what?
 gameslayer001: vote
 gameslayer001: vote
 gameslayer001: vote
 gameslayer001: vote
 gameslayer001: HAMMER
 gameslayer001: :)
 PizzaHut: Stop spamming, gameslayer.
 genus: I can't stand gameslayer
 gameslayer001: tracka fo shizzle
 guny4: how about no pizza
 PizzaHut: I'll report you.
 guny4: >_>
 gameslayer001: good
 genus: seriously
 gameslayer001: report me
 gameslayer001: first lose
 guny4: WAIT
 PizzaHut: I'm sick of retards.
 gameslayer001: WUT
 genus: why are we lynching pizza?
 genus: he's not mafia
 genus: he just doesn't want to deal with you
 guny4: that makes perfect sense
 gameslayer001: he could of Nked and pretended to be a BP
 guny4: hunter claim
 Lightwolf: how do you know that he isn't
 genus: obviously
  GoodAtMafia: lol
 TheMayor: whats pizzas cc
 gameslayer001: why would be waste hunter over this shit
  GoodAtMafia: this is workingo ut well
 PizzaHut: Because genus has some brains.
 Lightwolf: anyone can be mafia bar me, guny or games
 gameslayer001: no mafia is gonna say hes hunter
 PizzaHut: Right.
 gameslayer001: just vote pizza
 gameslayer001: wow ppl
 PizzaHut: So who is CCing bps.
 Lightwolf: no one
 PizzaHut: You know what?
 genus: right but he's so tired of this game
 PizzaHut: I'm sick of your idiocy.
 genus: I'd believe him
 Lightwolf: as only a yakked guy is left
 gameslayer001: lets just NL
 gameslayer001: doc on me, ill track pizza again
 genus: sighroll
 gameslayer001: cmon
 Lightwolf: he is voting the tracker>_>
 guny4: HUNTER CLAIM
 genus: you'll find out he's innocent
 guny4: NOW
 PizzaHut: Was the shrink on gameslayer?
 genus: I guarantee you
 gameslayer001: lol
 gameslayer001: :)
 gameslayer001: dunno
 PizzaHut: If not, then gameslayer is yakked.
 gameslayer001: yea im yakked
 gameslayer001: omfggg
 gameslayer001: u got me
 gameslayer001: stfu
 gameslayer001: HAMMER
 gameslayer001: :)
 gameslayer001: (:
 gameslayer001: :)
 PizzaHut: Well if you weren't being a retard...
  GoodAtMafia: oh my toe
 Lightwolf: the shrink was on him
 PizzaHut: I'd be inclined to think otherwise.
  GoodAtMafia: lol
 PizzaHut: Goltemis <3
  GoodAtMafia: i'm going to say that
 Lightwolf: it was stated
  GoodAtMafia: instaed of oh my god
 GoodAtMafia: oh my toe

 gameslayer001: yep yep
 gameslayer001: ditsy hamma
  GoodAtMafia: Gameslayer is so retarded.

Result: 4-3, a no lynch. I hammered the nl...which seems strange. I had an idea, though.

Night 3
No dialog tonight, but I think some context is important. My only shot at this point was to kill the tracker. Otherwise, there would be too many cleareds. I figured that either the doc would screw up, I would get tracked and seem the doc, or gameslayer would assume PizzaHut nk'd. My only move, really, though I see a loss inevitable at this point. There were too many cleareds: guny got good lynched day one, the hunter was around for lynching, the doctor could just claim without anyone doubting them, everyone trusted the tracker, and PizzaHut would get cleared if I tried to kill anyone. No options, period, this game is sealed and shut even if I somehow luck a kill on the tracker. Which I don't.
 
Result
Shrink (guny4)-guny4
Tracker (gameslayer001)-PizzaHut
Doctor (TheMayor)-gameslayer001
Mafia (genus)-gameslayer001

Day 3
You followed PizzaHut throughout the night. PizzaHut visited no one.
 gameslayer001: LOL
 gameslayer001: LOL
  GoodAtMafia: hmm
 gameslayer001: LOL
 guny4: ?
  GoodAtMafia: that might've been a good idea
 Lightwolf: idle mafia>_y
  GoodAtMafia: on genus' part
 genus: what?
 PizzaHut: *sighs*
 gameslayer001: lets nl again
  GoodAtMafia: invisime
 gameslayer001: just for fun
 Lightwolf: now then can we lynch????
  GoodAtMafia: I think it's better to do this
 GoodAtMafia: Have one maf yak

 gameslayer001: nono
 gameslayer001: this is fun
  GoodAtMafia: but we nk
 gameslayer001: NL
 gameslayer001: ;)
  GoodAtMafia: then the other yak claims bp hit or something
 Lightwolf: no we have a ml so lets lynch
  GoodAtMafia: then we yak NEXT turn
 Lightwolf: oh come on???
 PizzaHut: We have an ML
  GoodAtMafia: or
 Lightwolf: wehy are you not lynching
  GoodAtMafia: if you dont have to
 gameslayer001: yea pizza
 gameslayer001: ur right
 PizzaHut: Just to get his stupidity outta here.
  GoodAtMafia: like yakking next turn is only if you have to
 gameslayer001: lets use it on you
  GoodAtMafia: lol
 gameslayer001: sound good?
 PizzaHut: Let's lynch Game.
 PizzaHut: :)
 gameslayer001: LOL
 gameslayer001: everyone on pizza
 genus: lol
 Lightwolf: games is clear
 guny4: i shirnked him
 gameslayer001: yep
 gameslayer001: :)

Result: everyone lynches PizzaHut, but for some reason guny tries to nl?

Night 4
  GoodAtMafia: lol
 GoodAtMafia: games
 GoodAtMafia: is so retarded
 GoodAtMafia: SOmetimes he's cool
 GoodAtMafia: but i dunno
 PizzaHut: He's stupid.
 GoodAtMafia: this time he's acting so retarded
 GoodAtMafia: he's been good like once xD
 GoodAtMafia: OMG
 GoodAtMafia: GENUS
 GoodAtMafia: HURRY AND GET GAME
 GoodAtMafia: PLEASE
 GoodAtMafia: PLEASE


Result
Shrink (guny4)-guny4
Tracker (gameslayer001)-genus
Doctor (TheMayor)-Lightwolf
Mafia (genus)-gameslayer001

Yeah, I killed the tracker. And I still had no shot. Also, there was a lot of back-and-forth spamming in the graveyard the next day that I chose to omit. It basically made the game unreadable.

Day 4
You followed genus throughout the night. genus visited gameslayer001.
gameslayer001, the tracker, has died a bloody death.
 GoodAtMafia: AHAHA
 GoodAtMafia: YES

 guny4: >_>
  GoodAtMafia: lol
 gameslayer001: ahahha
 gameslayer001: this is funny
 GoodAtMafia: that worked well

 TheMayor: damn
 guny4: wow
  GoodAtMafia: he shot you
 guny4: doc
  GoodAtMafia: knowing the doc on you
 GoodAtMafia: then

 Lightwolf: oh so doc hates us or was yakked
 TheMayor: i cc doc
 guny4: wtf is wit you
  PizzaHut: You're a dumbfuck.
 genus: yakked doc?
  GoodAtMafia: when you lynched bp
 GoodAtMafia: then the doc
 gameslayer001: ur a dumbfuck
 GoodAtMafia: would go on someone else
 gameslayer001: any mafia could fake that

 guny4: yea
 guny4: alright
 guny4: i'm cleared
 Lightwolf: Mayor claims doc?
 genus: does anyone want to claim doc?
 guny4: who else is cleared
  GoodAtMafia: Gameslayer, you're being a stupid fucking idiot.
 PizzaHut: I'm not a dumbfuck.
 GoodAtMafia: lol

 TheMayor: i protected lightwolf
  GoodAtMafia: Just saying.
 gameslayer001: LOL
 gameslayer001: NAW
 gameslayer001: whos mafia?

 Lightwolf: :S why?
  PizzaHut: <---- Goltemis :)
 TheMayor: i cc doc
 genus: tickle me a flavor of skeptical
  gameslayer001: dun care
 PizzaHut: Genus is mafia.
 gameslayer001: whos mafia

 guny4: i'm lynching you
  gameslayer001: k
 guny4: for being a dumbshit
 TheMayor: i protected games twice
  gameslayer001: stupid doc
 gameslayer001: wtf

 genus: we have the mislynch if you're legit
  GoodAtMafia: lol
 TheMayor: in a row
  GoodAtMafia: Game, you know why?
 gameslayer001: why

 guny4: AND
 genus: but I don't think you are
 Lightwolf: then why did you not stop doing that?
  GoodAtMafia: cause
 GoodAtMafia: the bp got lynched

 guny4: U DIDN"T PROTECT HIM TONIGHT BECAUSE
  GoodAtMafia: so he thought you might be maf tryin to do that
 gameslayer001: :P

 TheMayor: idk
  GoodAtMafia: then he protected the other clear
 GoodAtMafia: lightwolf

 genus: either way I'd rather not wind up in 2 vs. 1 with you if you are innocent and dumb
  GoodAtMafia: Genus did that all on purpose i think
 guny4: if u are real doc
 guny4: u suck
 TheMayor: i thought he was safe
 genus: because I can not overlook your stupidity
 genus: seriously
 guny4: HUNTER CLAIM NOW
 guny4: FUCKING NOW
  PizzaHut: Genus is smart.
 genus: if you weren't yakked
 DitsyChick: tis me
 genus: you're a moron
 Lightwolf: I have the feeling he is real
  GoodAtMafia: lol
 GoodAtMafia: i think

 guny4: HUNTER
 genus: a total moron
 guny4: IT"S U
 guny4: ?!?!?!
  GoodAtMafia: genus might've done it by luck
 GoodAtMafia: if he did it on purpose

 guny4: DITSY U ARE HUNTER
 guny4: ?!?!?
  GoodAtMafia: then he's really good
 Lightwolf: yeah who is hunter?
 genus: she just claimed hunter
  PizzaHut: Yeah.
 GoodAtMafia: my best games were as mafia
 GoodAtMafia: :(

 guny4: why didnt u claim yester
  GoodAtMafia: I've never had great games as town
 PizzaHut: Gameslayer sucks though.
 gameslayer001: no
 GoodAtMafia: I was yakked tracker
 GoodAtMafia: i outed my partner
 gameslayer001: its a possibility you were mafia
 gameslayer001: u were too scummy

 DitsyChick: didnt think it was necessary
  GoodAtMafia: then i kept outing pr's
 gameslayer001: i was going by gut
 GoodAtMafia: because i knew them by elimination
 GoodAtMafia: lol
 gameslayer001: i dont really like u anyways

 guny4: ....
 guny4: lynch hunter
  GoodAtMafia: then in the end
 gameslayer001: :)

 guny4: hunter shoot doc
 TheMayor: why is genus so eager to vote doc off
  GoodAtMafia: the hunter shot the doc
 guny4: lol
 genus: why?
 guny4: genus wat are u
  GoodAtMafia: then i won xD
 genus: blue
 genus: save the hunter for tomorrow
  PizzaHut: Your gut reeks of indigestion and food poisoning :)
 guny4: hm
 Lightwolf: I say we stick to lynching the doc claim
 genus: it's ditsy or mayor
  gameslayer001: guts arent right all the time, ya know
 guny4: i say lynch the hunter
  GoodAtMafia: Gameslayer
 TheMayor: i bet blue was yakked
  GoodAtMafia: dont spam
 PizzaHut: I know.
 GoodAtMafia: that's what annoys me

 guny4: DOC ON ME TONIGHT
 guny4: IF I DIE
 gameslayer001: if our gut was right all the time, we would get 100's on tests
 TheMayor: genus is lying
 Lightwolf: no guny if we are wrong we lose
 genus: twinge of panic
 guny4: IF I DIE
  gameslayer001: get all As in school
 TheMayor: i got guny
 GoodAtMafia: i'm going to spam
 guny4: IT"S MAYOR
Massive spamming here from gameslayer and goodatmafia.
 guny4: LYNCH GENUS

 guny4: OR A BP CLAIM

 TheMayor: guny is safe

 genus: what?

 guny4: but wateever

 Lightwolf: how could the Doc protect you if we lynch him?

 TheMayor: yall are goonna regret it

 genus: you say this

 Lightwolf: blame yourself for not doing your work

 DitsyChick: probably

 TheMayor: genus is faking

 guny4: if i die

 guny4: lynch hunter

 TheMayor: yall are screwed

 TheMayor: yall are screwed

GoodAtMafia: i havent played in forever xD
 GoodAtMafia: well not like the way i do for a trophy run
 GoodAtMafia: :)

 TheMayor: are yall sure about this
  GoodAtMafia: but i'll do a trophy run maybe next NEXT trophy run
 GoodAtMafia: :)

 guny4: hammar
  gameslayer001: we win this

Result: everyone lynches TheMayor, except for TheMayor who nl's. Obviously he's the doctor.

Night 5
This was a difficult night for me. I was surprised that I survived to three person, but the jig was up. Either I could kill guny and have hunter/day one hit alive, the hunter for the day one hit/effectively confirmed shrink, or the day one hit for the hunter/effectively confirmed shrink. Ditsy wasn't really paying attention, and guny didn't seem like he would argue well, so I picked arsenic over cyanide or ammonia.

Result
Shrink (guny4)-guny4
Mafia (genus)-Lightwolf

Day 5
lightwolf, the bulletproof, has died a bloody death.
 gameslayer001: yea we won
 GoodAtMafia: bah
 Lightwolf: what damn why kill me
 GoodAtMafia: shoulda shot
 GoodAtMafia: guny

 genus: lynch ditsy, then
  GoodAtMafia: shoulda shot guny
 guny4: i didn't die because
  GoodAtMafia: then you could get lightwolf on your side
 GoodAtMafia: so easy

 guny4: ....?
  gameslayer001: hunter is alive :)
 Lightwolf: no if he does not shoot me then mafia loses
 GoodAtMafia: lol

 genus: it's guny?
  gameslayer001: win win situation
 GoodAtMafia: shoot guny

 guny4: ok
There's a pause. Obviously she's the hunter. I'm screwed
 genus: what?
 guny4: shoot genus
  TheMayor: i knew genus was fake
 Lightwolf: I was clear

 guny4: I"M CLEARED
 genus: you cc'd shrink
 genus: no you aren't
 guny4: UI AM THE SHRIBNK
 genus: you seriously cc'd shrink
 guny4: TRACKER CLEARED ME
 guny4: ROFL
 genus: when you were yakked?
 genus: that is fail
  TheMayor: this is yalls fault for lynching me
 guny4: NO U DUMB SHIT
 guny4: ROFL
 guny4: ROFL
 guny4: GG NO RE
 genus: ditsy shoot guny
  GoodAtMafia: lol
 genus: he was yakked and didn't see

Result: the lynched hunter shoots guny, and I win. Was it major fail from the town, or major win for me exploiting it? Reality is a series of staggered planes in constant, random rotation.






29
Wikkity! / Re: I'm at work and TSC should entertain me!
« on: March 13, 2009, 04:56:15 pm »
Spinny found his last joke at the recycling plant. That's a painfully old joke. A painfully old joke that causes pain, and could collapse at any moment from the weight of existence. He needs original material. I've got some. For example:

Two men walk into a bar. Thirty years later, they die from cirrhosis of the liver.

I presented my routine to the class yesterday, and the teacher didn't say anything. It was awesome, I thought she was grounded enough to not take satire as derision for malice's sake. But apparently she spent time telling all of her other classes how terrible a person I am. Without naming my name, but naming my name, she said that a certain *someone* known to the everyone was completely ungrateful, wretched, iconoclastic (not her words, just more concise forms of expression), etc. Throughout the routines in other classes, she would desperately interrupt to affirm her self-worth: "you're getting something out of this, right? Yoga -is- constructive, isn't it?". Today, she said that we needed to take things a little more srsly because it's not ok to hurt other peoples' feelings guys. Then gave me a frosty glare which I returned. She blinked several times and broke gaze at approximately 10 seconds, to focus intently on the wall. After four seconds, she tried to look at me without catching my attention, but I stared fixedly at her like a winner. This means that I have the moral high ground.

30
Wikkity! / Re: I'm at work and TSC should entertain me!
« on: March 10, 2009, 01:51:12 am »
Yoga Routine

1)Mountain-Right, so palms out. Tall, confident, whatever. Placebo effect, calming, yadayadayada.
2)Enter five point star, in the shape of a star. To get limber, or something of the sort.
3)Into angle, the posture wherein you look ridiculous with your arm outstretched over my head. It just seemed like a logical transition from 5 point. Why not stretch some muscles?
4)Leading into triangle, because I am a masochist and so can you. This is the one where you're painfully contorted, like someone who wants their cross section to look...something vaguely like a triangle.
5)Now, victory, to work your liver. Squat like a winner, and spread your arms (wrists facing you) in an arrogantly triumphant pose. You have only known the benefits of chakra when your opponent is offended by your egotism. Study hard, warrior.
6)Warrior next, because you like yoga so much that you're willing to endure the humiliation of looking like what you are not. This is a lunge, with your arms directly in front and behind you, a position such as an Aztec warrior might adopt if his intent was to sacrifice himself to the first wave of the Mayan assault.
7)And suddenly, for your triumphs, you are a hero. But you shouldn't brag about that. It's more like a working class hero, and at that more of a Green Day working class hero than a John Lennon working class hero. Deal, and on your hands and knees. Fold them under your peasant body.
8)Now, prostrate yourself as a lotus flower superimposed on your subconscious might if this flower never wanted to feel or look like a flower ever again. You know, sitting cross-legged.
9)Following this, you should behave like a small child because you just aren't relaxed enough yet, damnit. You need to have your forehead touching the mat, soaking up all the sweat from people in the last class and developing a nasty head rash. Which is to say that you're going to pretend you're Muslim and praying, before suddenly realizing that you're Buddhist and stretching. Following this epiphany, shove your forehead into the floor with your arms by your side.
10)I think you're too relaxed at the moment, and suggest that you pretend that you're a sail boat sailing on the ocean during a lightning storm. In a tsunami. And pursued by a sea serpent. Only your lower back can make contact with the floor. Bring your arms and legs up. If you don't do it right, you sink and die.
11)You failed, or wanted to anyways. Regardless, you're feeling particularly morbid and should therefore enter dead man. Pretend that you're dead. Just do it for a second. Think of what impact your death would have on everyone you know, then meditate on the ramifications to others whom you don't. So remember, you're completely lifeless and exposed, on your back. “Dead”. It's ok though, you're not really dead...just emo.
12)The dog obeys, and you will too. Put your hands and knees on the mat, and hang your head in shame for complacency.
13)Since you feel like unusual roleplay, you know what's cool? Snakes and back pain. You should hurt your back while pretending to be a snake. Lay on your stomach, then raise the upper half of your torso and hold your position with your arms directly below you. For optimum discomfort, be sure to thrust your pelvis into the mat.
14)Today, you will act like you're Cherry from Planet Terror. Except that instead of a machine gun for a leg, you've got a bow and arrow. Extend one leg, and hold the other with your arm outstretched. Exactly as if your leg were a bow because the flamethrower upgrade was too expensive for someone of your modest means to afford.
15)Oh no, a zombie just launched an RPG at you and you're on the ground! This means it's time for useless talent #34: bend yourself into a table, stomach up. Then go to Mexico, give birth to El Wray's child, and travel the countryside looking for a microbiologist while protecting a band of survivors from “the freaks”.
16)  Actually, cats are awesome. Maybe you'd be more awesome if you were a cat. Do it. Go. Act like a kitty: on your hands and knees, relax your shoulders then STRAIGHTEN YOUR BACK ALL OF A SUDDEN BECAUSE  OH SNAP THERE'S A SMALL YAPPY DOG AND YOU WANT TO INTIMIDATE IT.
17)You're a pest. A locust. Lay on your stomach, then lift your legs and arms at the same time. Feel your skin tighten against your ribs, hear a rip, then look down in horror when you realize that you can see your own lungs.
18)Balance is important, and a tree is balanced. You are not balanced. Be like the tree, and stand on one foot. Then bring your other leg into your knee, gain your balance, clasp your hands, and raise them over your head like a punk who thinks they know martial arts because they don't have inner ear problems.
19)Balance is still important. Trees are still balanced, and you are still not balanced; don't worry though, this is ok because a sage is also balanced. To think like a sage, and eventually balance like a sage, you must first do what a sage would not. With one leg on the ground, tilt your whole body to one side. If you don't fall and crack your skull open, you'll be a step closer to enlightenment.
20)In your elevated state, you have a spiritual revelation: you must enter a childlike catatonia, and function as a happy baby. Roll on your back, and keep your knees tucked into your chest while you enjoy the mostly Catholic shame of harming the mother who did nothing but suffer for you.
21)So far, your hamstrings are notably underworked. This is why you can't have nice things. Since you're an ascetic, it would be a good idea to overcompensate for several understandable shortcomings in a cathartic fashion. I also suggest the seated forward bend, this absolutely brutal exercise where you position your legs in front of you and lean through with both arms stretched outwards. It's only working when you pass out in agony.
22)That wasn't good enough. Strong people can tolerate more. As punishment, you will perform the appeasing hands to feet ritual. With your legs straight, bring your hands down to your feet and tuck your head into your knees. Reflect on all the ways in which you've wronged other people before weeping uncontrollably at your transgressions in reasoning.
23)I still like pain, and I hope you do because there will be some pilates. The first position will be the hundred, in which you extend your legs upwards with only the upper and lower sections of your back touching the ground. Raise your neck and arms, then just stay there for a while. Ideally, before your hamstring snaps.
24)That must have been exhausting, you clearly need a break from rigorously strengthening the muscles in your abdomen. Hey, wouldn't it be sweet if you could imprint your spine into the mat? With your knees up and arms by your side, slowly stop caring about everyone and everything. If you did it properly, you can see your spine when you look in the mat. If you didn't, you've got some serious chi issues that you need to work out, man.
25)You didn't really earn that. No, you should suffer for willful ingratitude. Become a crab, boiling alive in a crab bisque that someone will send back to the kitchen anyways because the consistency was not to his liking. Put your legs straight out ahead of you, round your spine, and then curl yourself into a wretched, mewling ball of human weakness. Rock back and forth for a while, until you appreciate that arrogance sowed your discord. 

Now, relaxation.

You are lying on a yoga mat, exhausted from a tiring workout. You barely tried anything that you were supposed to, and yet you still feel ground from the effort. Your own physical weakness is abhorrently clear at this moment. You understand that other people can do this effortlessly, and dwell obsessively on your own comparative failures. However, it doesn't matter that other people are stronger, faster, smarter, and funnier than you. It only matters that you can learn to shut out the savage reality that threatens to completely crush your soul. With the right social conditioning, you can still function as a happy little worker bee without any of the accompanying envy for people you view as your natural superiors. It's possible that only a numbing pinprick of regret from your comfortable injection of perverted rationales will jar you from the drudgery of your day-to-day life on the assembly line of culture, progress, and consumption. You can relax, knowing that the rest of your life has already begun. Accepting that your labor is needed, you sink into an impressionable state of consciousness, attuned to your environment and desperate for anything to inflate your crumpled ego. In your mind, continue to think that you are free. Stimulate yourself with the promise that your toil will defend the systems they told you to like that are beyond your understanding or appreciation. Remember that everyone is your friend, and that your leaders use you to positive means. Begin to awaken. Picture yourself coming out of a deep sleep and into a deeper stupor. Wiggle your hands and feet. Accept the innumerable lies that make your life bearable. Welcome this tolerable complacency, your own beautiful occlusion of an inner melancholy. Slowly, steadily, open your eyes to your blindness. Throughout the day, wield the power of your ignorance against all others who subvert your personal narcotic with unsettling accusations of duplicity. Defeat them with your numbers. Now you are ready to follow. Enjoy everyone else's day.

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